Monday, December 5, 2011

Thesis Journey 1: First Visit

*hereby called the TJ series

I thought maybe I can share a few things about my thesis journey, just based on observations of course.

Today I went to Rizal Provincial Jail (RPJ) to inquire. I have zero contacts inside, and I went alone. Anyone would have thought a teenage girl going to a jail would be a wrong idea, and as the tricycle ride halted to a stop, I said a silent prayer because my heart started fluttering in my chest. What am I doing here?

The guard in front wondered if I was there to visit a prisoner. I told him otherwise and he pointed me to the desk officer inside the building. Some men resting on the way (whom I think are in camouflaged uniforms) said a different kind of "Hi Miss" ~the one that's not polite, and I put my poker face on to mask the frown.

The desk officer told me to write a request to the governor addressed to a police superintendent before I could get access to interviewing inmates and the personnel. And before I knew it, the trip was over.

On my way back up, the same resting guys said "Hi." again.

No doubt about it, the prison system may very well be a "macho" arena, the one that maybe I should not be going to. It can be said that in our country, we find it hard to trust policemen, or those in authority. They seem to have too much power for them to handle. But I try not to say the final words.

Recently I photocopied Raymund Narag's account on the QC Jail and the photos are not very pleasing: men stuffed into overcrowded and even filthy cells. I try to desensitize myself from all of these. I have always thought that prison life is hell, maybe similar to what the rest of society thinks. For one thing, it helped me appreciate what I escaped (hell itself, yes). And for another, I thought maybe there's hope in its nooks and crannies of the prison that I might find throughout this study. To be honest, it is exactly what I am looking for.

Maybe I'll get disappointed. Maybe become hopeful. Maybe as a woman, they would treat me differently. How different, if positive or negative, I do not know. To be objectified, discriminated, belittled or confided on, I'm  not sure. It's too early to tell.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Attempts at social relevance

Yes yes. 

Personal blogs are good for people who are trying to figure out their personal problems, and I agree. Writing has always been my way of dealing with issues that my brain found too complex to even think about quietly.

I am glad that this blog has helped people think. And also, I wanted to help people in a more ~*socially relevant*~ matters.

I'm sorry for the fickleness but I created a new blog! hahaha.

This blog will be kept, but the URL will be changed next year. I know I should be focusing on my thesis. To be honest, it was so difficult to focus. Really. It has crossed my mind that I may not be able to finish it, but it's too early to conclude.

Tomorrow I will head to Rizal Provincial Jail and see what I can gather, and probably the light bulbs will work by that time that I'd be able to write something substantial and not substandard. Believe you me, I wanted a thesis with ~*social relevance*~ and I hope that is exactly what I will accomplish. I won't settle for a mediocre thesis, but I do hope that I would be able to write it THIS semester.